In the past month I have:
Broken up with my boyfriend
gone back to school
stopped dealing drugs
got my shit straight
I'm living with my best friend, Alice.
She's the sexiest person I know.
Blonde hair, blue eye's.
I'd like to tap that shit.
School sucks, as always.
I got some good advice
Once you get your shit straight, good things come your way.
worked for me
Everyone keeps trying to get me to go to church
and I don't like it. I always think of priest's
raping little catholic boys.
Welllll, I'm done ranting.
Today was shitty.
I got a bunch of alcohol for some middle schoolers.
Thought of ways I could completely cut off tie's from my
"boyfriend"
and sat on top of a washing machine for three hours.
I'm completely insane.
I like to be alone, but I feel normal when I'm surrounded by a bunch of people high on drugs I most likely supplied.
Back to my washing machine.
Seriously, you don't realize how cold your ass is until you sit on a washing machine during the hot cycle.
I have a guard up.
It's like a shield from emotions.
It's from a fucked up childhood.
Abusive parents.
I've been on my own since i've been 11.
So one day, a nice boy comes along
and meets the screwed up girl.
Eventually, he proves himself,
and the girl lets down her guard.
BIG MISTAKE.
Now, the girl is starting to see that
the nice boy only wants to get in
her panties, and the girl will eventually
get her heart broken.
So, when the day comes, the girl will
pretend like everything is okay.
Bake him nice brownies, but put
about 50 laxatives in them.
Then the girl will go out and get drunk enough
to not be able to wake up for a few days
Because alcohol makes the pain fade,
and who want's to hurt?
I'm 17. I need to make some changes.
I need to stop doing drugs and drinking alchol
because waking up on a sidewalk with my panties gone is not
my cup of tea.
I need to realize how amazing my "boyfriend" really is.
I called him my "boyfriend" because I don't like labels,
so we aren't dating, but we're two people in love with each other.
Stop dealing.
That would be one of the hardest things for me to do.
SInce i've been in the 7th grade i've been supplying people
with drugs and alchol because it was availible to me
I realized how fun it was and decided everyone else
needed to have fun too.
Mature.
I still act like i'm five years old.
I'd like to finally mature.
I'm wierd.
Sometimes I cry during sex
I lie to people I love because
I really don't want anyone to get close to me.
I run away from commitment.
I'm hoping to get over this. Soon.
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chilloutmann- chilloutmann
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